March 2006 Greatest Guitarist Phone In - Shea Stadium

Top UK DJ, Mike Vag held a radio phone-in to celebrate the recent nominations for the 2006 Greatest Guitarist Poll. Jim and Moritz were due to attend this glittering nominations ceremony however, due to a communications failure, they both ended up in the wrong country entirely. Mike finally managed to reach Jim and Moritz and they were able to participate in the phone-in. Below is a transcript from that evenings‘ radio show:

 Mike - Hey guys, is that you? Where are on earth are you?

Jim - Hi Mike, sorry to say we’re in New York

Mike - What on earth are you doing there? The nominations ceremony was held in the UK!

Moritz - We are extremely disappointed about this and I can assure you that heads will roll.

Jim - We were told the nominations announcement was due to be held at the Shea Stadium, so off we trotted to New York. We turn up at the Shea Stadium and low and behold, there’s no one in sight. All the lights are off and a rather bemused security guy tells us the next big event is due to take place in 3 months.  We get back to the hotel and  rechecked the itinery for the event, and that’s where we see in the small print that the event is taking place at the Shay Stadium in Halifax, West Yorkshire, UK.

Moritz - I must admit it did mention on the back of the invitation the directions as coming off Junction 24 of the M62, so we should have double checked this at the time.

Jim - I also had to endure my usual grilling with the US immigration authorities. All because 10 years ago I climbed into a Jacuzzi with 4 naked women - what a f..king liberty

Mike - Hey guys can we please mind the language; we do have a family audience you know

Jim - Sorry Mike, I do get quite worked up about these things

Mike - I’m sure it will all come out in the autobiography. When is this due out, by the way?

Jim - As soon as Andrew Rawnsley pulls his finger out

Mike - Well, let’s get back to business. Both Jim and Moritz have been included in the 2006 nominations for the Greatest Guitarist poll. How do you feel?

Moritz - I feel happier than a Messerschmitt pilot over Dunkirk

Mike - I don’t think that you are allowed to mention things like that these days

Moritz - I know the British are very sensitive about the war. In Germany we have a saying……don’t mention the war, if you’re with the British.

Jim - I am also very happy about being included in the nomination. It is a sign of great achievement

Moritz - There are some great players in the nomination list. It is an honour for me too

Mike - Who do you think will win in 2006?

Jim - There are so many great players, I would say the clear favourites are Stevie Ray Vaughan, Jimi Hendrix and Steve Morse

Moritz - Is The Edge in the list this year? If he is, then I think he’ll win by a kilometre, followed by Jeff Beck in second place.

Mike - What about you guys? Where do you think you’ll come?

Jim - I think it all comes down to the votes from the USA. If we get coverage there I think we’ll be mid table

Moritz - I’m calling on my legion of die hard European  fans to get me up there. I’ll be happy if I get in the top 50

Mike - To maintain a fair result I see you’ve retained the services of the Zimbabwean Electoral Commission.

Moritz - They do a good job. They’re completely incorruptible you know!

Jim - They’re as straight as a dye. Even the gay ones!

Mike - OK, let’s take some calls. First caller on the line is Nigel.

Nigel - Thanks for letting me take part, Mike

Mike - What’s your question?

Nigel - I’m a huge Joe Satriani fan. I’ll be voting for him followed by Steve Vai. What chances do you think they’ll have this year?

Mike - Both have an outsiders chance I suppose, but I don’t think they’re good enough to win

Nigel - Come off it, these guys are mega gods

Moritz - That’s slightly exaggerated I think

Nigel - Texture, skill, emotion and feel, that’s what I rate them on

Jim - Come off it Nigel. Have you heard Steve Vai? He’s a shredder? Joe Satriani is slightly better, but only just. There’s no emotion when you’ve got the fuzz box turned up to number 11

Nigel - How dare you! You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about

Moritz - I think I’d prefer it if both Joe Sat and Steve Vai used their plectrums a bit. All this legato playing, it drives me mad. Are they unable to use their plectrum hands?

Nigel - I’m never calling into this show again. Good night

Jim - To you as well Nigel

Mike - Err thanks Nigel. I wonder how many friends that guy has, if any. Anyway the next caller is Clive

Clive - Jim, Moritz, do you think this year one of the new kids on the block will win or one of the older players.

Jim - You can’t beat the older players in my opinion. They’ve proved themselves and that’s all that matters.

Moritz - Will these young guys be around in 30 years? That is the question.

Mike - To be fair Clive, the 2006 nominations do cover mainly the older players. I don’t see many young guys on there

Clive - What about Jimmy Page?

Moritz - What?

Clive - Yeah, Jimmy Page. I’ve been following him since the mid 1990’s. He’s only 32 and I therefore would classify him as one of the younger guys in the list

Jim - Jimmy Page, 32? Clive, I have to tell you that Jimmy is about 60. I do recall on last years poll, we had someone write in saying how the music industry was all the worse following Jimmy’s death

Clive - Jimmy has died. Oh my god, when?

Jim - He’s not dead Clive. More so, he’s definitely not 32

Clive - Jim plays with style, texture, emotion and finesse

Jim - You sound like the last bloke describing Joe Satriani and Steve Vai

Clive - Do you know anything about guitar playing?

Moritz - Clearly more than you Clive

Clive - You’re just a daft Kraut

Mike - Err, thank you Clive and the next caller is John

John - Wow that last guy had a bee in his bonnet. Talk about obsessed fan. We can all do without that

Jim - I agree

John - It’s great to see that Pete Kershaw has been included in the nominations. I thought he was a colossus in the 1980 ‘s with Treason, but I think now he’s done a bit of a Ritchie Blackmore by going into a totally different musical direction.

Jim - Why Pete wants to experiment with all that Jazz nonsense, I just do not understand.

Moritz - He’s not the first to fall off the rails. Ritchie Blackmore is the number one example of someone clearly unhappy with his current sphere of music.

John - I hear that Pete Kershaw just plays Jazz clubs all over the place. With Treason he was right up there

Jim - I even saw old Pete playing at a Pizza restaurant once. I sat their eating my thin based margarita and thought where did it all go wrong?

John - Either bad management or a bad girlfriend. You’re right it’s not the first time it’s happened

Jim - What’s the name of Pete’s latest band?

John - The Hip Squad

Moritz - That is awful. I heard Pete Kershaw nearly got the gig in Whitesnake for the 1987 album. Was there any truth in that?

John - Yeah, apparently Pete blasted through ‘Fool for Your Loving’ in the key of A and David Coverdale blew his top as he could only sing it in G. Poor old Pete was given the old “err we’ll call you” comment as he left, and I think he got a bit down after that. The irony is that a few years later Coverdale played it in the key of A. Mind you, I still maintain that some of the stuff Pete pulled off in Treason was excellent. If I would describe Pete’s style I would say it was a blend of skill, speed, finesse and taste

Moritz - That sound like how those 2 blokes earlier described Jimmy Page, Joe Sat and Steve Vai

Jim - Have we run our of descriptions?

John - Anyway Pete is my outsider to win the poll this year. I’ll be shocked if he doesn’t make it into the top 10

Moritz - We can always hope John

Mike - Ok John, thanks very much. The next caller is Callum

Callum - Hello everyone. I just want to say I’ve been following Deep Purple for the last 8 years

and Steve Morse is the man for me. I’ve bought the entire Purple back catalogue and apart from the short stint fiascos with Satriani and Dave Clemson, Steve Morse has proved himself to be the most enduring guitarist for the last 38 years in Deep Purple.

Moritz - What about Ritchie Blackmore?

Callum - Well Rainbow go from strength to strength don’t they. Did anyone see Blackmore on the last Rainbow tour in 2005. I’ve heard it was incredible. I suppose Blackmore’s career has mirrored Steve Morse, but I still rate Morse as a superior player. Blackmore’s been playing with Rainbow for nearly 40 years now so I’m not surprised he won the Top Guitarist poll in 2004 and 2005

Jim - How old are you Callum?

Callum - I’m 15 years old

Moritz - I think you need to recheck some of your  historical references.

Callum - I have to admit I’m not really a Rainbow fan. I mean, I like to listen to ‘Fanfare for the Common Man‘ now and again, but it doesn’t really do it for me

Jim - Oh dear.

Callum - What do you mean, oh dear?

Jim - Are you sure you’re a Deep Purple fan

Callum - Too right. I was there at the Astoria this year screaming away. What a live band.

Morse’s playing on his signature tracks, Highway Star and Black Night was incredible

Moritz - I sure that Steve Morse will be accordingly rated in the poll

Mike - Thanks Callum and the next caller is Maisy

Maisy - Hello everyone. I have a problem with my husband. He is an obsessed Eric Clapton  fan. He denies this of course. He plays EC’s records all the time, he’s humming his songs all the time. Even when we have sex, I have to endure him grunting and groaning while he whispers ‘I Shot the Sheriff‘, which I have to admit is rather off putting. I’m sure my husband will put multiple votes through for Eric, but I do fear for my husbands sanity, and mine.

Moritz - do not fear, the Zimbabwean Election Monitors are there to oversee and catch any voting irregularities. The Z.E.M will come down harshly if they see any evidence of multiple voting, and of course these will be voided, including the original vote that was made. The purpose is that in 2006, we want to see without argument who is the greatest guitarist in history

Jim - I think Maisy your main concern is for your husband, rather than the poll. Please refer to the Godofguitar website as we do provide help and support for people, like your husband, who have addictions to guitarists and their music

Maisy - I’ll definitely do this. By the way Mike, is that your real surname. Vag does seem to me to be a highly unusual name

Mike - This name has made many openings in life, if you pardon the pun.

Maisy - You vulgar sexist pig

Mike - And the next caller is Dale

Dale - Yeah I just want to follow up on the  Pete Kershaw discussion. Pete is a true god of guitar, and yes he may be focusing on jazz issues currently, but I do hear that the classic Treason line-up will be reforming in 2006. Watch out for the album and tour in 2007.

Jim - I’m glad to hear it. They always were an impressive band. Pete deserves better than he’s had in the last 15 years, so let’s hope that he gets a good poll result this year.

Dale - Him and Jan Cyrka were always seen as the leading British players in the early 80’s. it’s a shame they both went off the rails, as it were.

Mike - We’ve just about run out of time. Dale many thanks. Jim and Moritz, many thanks. I just want to tell you that the nominations ceremony went down a storm. I’ll send you a video of it. The best bit was when you were called upon to read out the nominations and as you weren’t there another famous player had to reveal them. Do you know who this was?

Moritz - No

Jim - Me neither

Mike -  Steve Vai, via satellite link

Jim - The bastards could have done that with us from New York

Mike - On that bombshell, we’d just like to thank Jim and Moritz, and to close out the show, he’s Joe Satriani with ‘Surfing with the Alien’.

Jim - Ohh for fuck‘s sake!!