How to Pose
How to be a domestic Guitar God
|Yes the year is 2006 and all us men are occasionally asked to venture into the Kitchen to assist the ladies with those domestic chores. Here Jim and Moritz display that they are not old fashioned men from the 70's by posing in normal looking domestic environments (loaned to us by the Ideal Home Exhibition). Even though you are assisting in the house however it doesn't mean you have to stop being a God of Guitar. Notice here how Moritz uses the one handed sweeping technique.|
|Obviously you'll need to keep that flab off at home, and Moritz has perfected his exercise routine by keeping his guitar close at hand and combining puffing and playing accordingly. "I've been doing around 40 minutes of cardio a morning followed by some limbering up sessions with my gear. I've also been doing quite a few diminished scales on the strat, where you start off all confident but then peter our somewhat half way through the run, thus getting a diminished effect. It's rather good, but I'd rather get an effects pedal to do it really. I've decided to be in top form for this forthcoming year." You can see our old page on Moritz's fitness regime here.|
Jim and Moritz here display their adeptness at retaining a God Of Guitar demeanour whilst performing standard household chores. Jim: "Cooking is easy with one hand on the saucepan and one practicing picking techniques with the guitar. Conversely with the dishwasher you can play with the left hand if you crank up the volume a bit and perform some hammer on and hammer off manoeuvres." Moritz continues "loading the washing machine is always one of my favourites, especially if one of Candy's Knickers gets caught up in my machine head, it all gets a bit Tom Jones. If some washing does land on the guitar it acts as a dampener and can actually be interesting depending upon the type of material used.
How to cue in a solo
|How to do it |
When your guitar colleague is ready to commence his solo you need to cue him in by pointing in a very exact and robust manner, as shown here by Moritz. This is all really pointless as Jim knows exactly when to start his solo and does so every night without fail, however cueing this in makes the show seem more spontaneous. The fans love it.
|How NOT to do it |
It's all well being cool when cueing in your fellow performer, however if you get it wrong then it can make you look very silly. Here Moritz and Jim re-enact the famous "Linz 1985" incident as recounted by many fans, where Moritz and Jim got a bit lost in the excitement and both thought the other was going to solo and ended up cueing each other in at the same time. Apparently both were right and wrong as they were also playing two different songs at the same time, although most of the Austrians didn't notice.
The most difficult aspect of facial expression is to ensure that you do not look like you're in a porn movie. This can be quite difficult as emotion takes over. Remember, the camera are clicking the whole time when you are on stage, and if you "throw" the wrong type of expression at any one time, that is likely to be the one that will end up on Mojo the following month with some witty caption on it.
Moritz von der Weide
The technical stuff!
"Excuse me while I kiss the sky"
The mouth needs to be in a "U" rather than an "O" which appears below, as this looks more like a kiss when photographed.
|"OOOO what a beautiful morning" |
This one probably is probably the most difficult to do and is often confused with "porn" images if taken out of context (well, look at Moritz here for example). Essentially you are throwing an "O" with the mouth. Probably best used when you've got a really easy part to play as this expression will make it look more difficult.
|"Wah wah" |
Do be careful when doing this pose not to actually be playing with your wah wah pedal, as this justs looks stupid. It's something Peter Frampton has to do when using his voicebox thingy device, but not everyone can get away with it like he can. Oh and do be careful not to actually say "wah" in case the microphone picks you up and you end up sounding, well, like a baby.
Two different examples from Jim and Moritz here. One wilder one from Jim and an almost serene example from Moritz.
Be careful not to "Gary Moore" the expression and completely go over the top with it. You should only hold each expression for around 5 seconds. We have seen Gary contort his face into this kind of thing for nearly a whole song (actually, for a whole bloody gig!)
And to finish with, some awful examples of impersonations. Do not do this.
These are examples of Bad facial expressions from Jim and Moritz here, both which could be interpreted as Impersonations. Jim is sporting a stupid wide mouth expression (he was just about to sing I think) but ends up looking more like Meatloaf. The Moritz is clearly concentrating on that guitar run too much and has ended up doing a Ritchie Blackmore. Take great care not to accidentally "throw" impersonations or else the camera will pick you up and the next thing you know you'll be in Classic Rock magazine as "the next Ted nugent" or something (if they got you in a loin cloth swinging from a rope, say).
Note: please ensure that you have adequate protection when trying these foot poses. Our model Moritz was performing some of these bare footed, which is really very dangerous bearing in mind the guitar is electric! These poses and the pictures have been trademarked and copyrighted and should only be performed in private. The website requests that prior to any pose being reproduced on stage, a £50.00 fee per pose should be remitted to www.godofguitar.com Please email us for details.
Also a note on tuning. In a similar way to using a slide , it may be a good idea to tune the guitar to an open G arrangement so that the resulting sound it more pleasant. This may be a bit difficult if you are mid song and have to change guitar just so that you can slam the guitar around the floor a bit, however it may be more musically gratifying.
First off then, "Heel and Toe".
Place your foot along the guitar and then waggle your foot so that the heel and then toe produce effects and notes. Then you can move your foot up and down changing the two notes as you go. It will sound at times like a fire engine, but it’s a good technique when learned.
Using the side of the foot – you can produce tonal “slamming” noises if you “boot” down onto the frets and create some nice chord sounds. Indeed with practice you could do a quick “He’s looking out for me” riff.
Top Tip: Bear in mind that this will only work using the open tuning arrangement as discussed in the introduction.
Simply booting the guitar around the stage (or floor, if at home) can produce some lovely resonances. It is more interesting on a wooden or concrete floor. It will knacker the underside of the guitar, however a carpet is far too dulling for the guitar and won’t create any sustain.
Top Tip: very early examples can be seen performed by Ritchie Blackmore however Moritz has since perfected this and is commonly known as the Jonny Wilkinson of the Booting technique
Using your shoe, or preferably slipper, glide your foot up and down the fretboard, creating a glissando type effect on the guitar. This can sound better when used with a flanger effect and reverb unit.
Top tip: don't use one of those slippers with tons of furry bits on the outside in as these will get wrapped around the strings as you move up and down and you'll be taking them out for ages afterwards.
Arm and foot technique
By arm here, I'm talking tremolo arm, if your guitar is fitted with one. You use both feet, one to perform a Side Slamming type technique (see above) and the other to depress the tremolo arm up and down. This is quite a difficult one to do. Don’t lose your balance as Moritz did once, and ended up in the Mosh pit.
Top Tip: Someone with good dancing technique would be best at this as you need excellent coordination and balance.
Note: these photos were taken backstage at a recent 'fans only' concert in Abenberg, Germany (thanks as ever to Cornwall for the photos). These poses and the pictures have been trademarked and copyrighted and should only be performed in private.. The website requests that prior to any pose being reproduced on stage, a £50.00 fee per pose should be remitted to www.godofguitar.com Please email us for details.
|First off then, the "back to the crowd" welcome point. I suppose this is more of a wave actually, but it is important to stretch those arms and hold the position for at least 5 seconds (although no longer or else you'll end up looking like Gary Glitter!). When you finally do turn around you must look completely pissed off or bored, just to confuse the audience. |
Critical is to have both arms completely parallel to the ground, with fingers pointing outwards.
|Next up the "cool point" point. You have to take great care not to make this look like "mines a tea guv". You MUST always have no particular reason to point when in a gig. Just make it look as if there is something important going on and point regardless. The fans will love it, and think you are very clever indeed and that you have loads of hidden message and codes to the rest of the band (which you won't have). |
On the right arm please note, the bend in the elbow joint, the 45% angle of the forearm and the 90 degree (straight up) direction of the index finger.
|Then the "face point". Good for emotional guitar passages when you are trying actually to remember what bloody key you should be playing in. |
Note the 45 degree angle of the right forearm and the continuation of the critical 45 degree angle of the right index finger. Practise on this to make sure the forearm and index finger point in the same direction.
|The "cue point". Note again that this doesn't in fact cue anything in, it's just a God of Guitar pose. Best to use when you want to scratch your nose or something as everyone will be looking over to the drum riser or wherever you are pointing. |
Note this time there is no bend in the elbow but there is a slight hinging of the right hand. Try not to exaggerate this too much as the result will be looking limp wristed, and we don’t want that, boys. Again the right index finger should continue in-line with the direction of the arm
|The "direct point knee bend". Perfected here by Moritz. This is a classic GodofGuitar pose. Early versions of this can be seen by guitarists in the 70's,. most notably Ritchie Blackmore, but Moritz perfected it with the added pointing function. During his heyday this one had the girls swooning, especially if the pants didn't hold up! |
Perfect bend of the right knee in conjunction with a full straight left leg aimed at right angles to the right leg; use a protractor on this if you have to. The eyes, the straight right arm and finger will all point in the same direction. Try to keep the right forearm firm but relaxed as far as possible.
|Finally the last pointing pose is the "sky point". To be used in different ways. Good for emotional highlights when playing a slow tune, or for the end of songs as seen here with Moritz. He often used this pose at the end of "Flowered Curtains" and just walked around the stage getting feedback off the amps, pointing up at all the stage lighting rig. Wonderful. |
Keep a slight bend in the left elbow and a pointing downwards of the left index finger for balance. The right arm should remain as straight as possible. The eyes should follow the direction of the right index finger (straight north!)